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Amy and Carol (HW)

-> Write a short comment on how Amy and Carol react to Brian in the mall (p.63/64)


I think their reactions are very understandable. Carol is in a lower class than Amy and she wants to become a blue, so she is very nervous when she saw Brian. Carol try to convice Brian, that it isn´t that bad to meet Amy because she has got her armband and her journal with her. Amy is a blue, so she can do what ever she wants. Of course she tries to doesn´t be reportet but if she was reported it isnßt very important because she´s a blue and won´t get many bad consequences.

Amy also isn´t very happy about Carol´s reaction to Brian. Carol shows immediately that she has got much fear and she change her opinion if she saw him.


15.3.11 19:07


bisher 1 Kommentar(e)     TrackBack-URL

Ms Mettjes (3.5.11 01:26)
there are -again- some language problems.

Firstly, start with the decription - tell WHAT happens before you give your opinion.
Secondly, stick to the present tense ("when she sees")!

Other issues:
- "a Blue" (capitalized)
- "tries to convince" -> 3rd pers.-sg "s"!!!
- no comma before "that"
- "whatever"
- "she tries not to be reported" or: "she tries to avoid being reported"
- "if she was / were reported, it wouldn't be..."
(conditional clause, type II)
- "and she changes her opinion when she sees him" (tense)
- better: "Furthermore, Amy isn't..."
-> you could have been a bit more detailed in that paragraph: What is the change of opinion you refer to?

Ms Mettjes

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